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The Hardest Thing In The World

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There are many things in the world that are difficult, but what is the hardest thing in the world?

I hear it all the time "that's impossible!" or "there's absolutely no way anyone would EVER be able to do that!" I mean, to be fair, comments like that usually come from my kids, but you get what I mean.

So what actually is the hardest thing in the world? What is the most difficult of humankind's endeavours to accomplish?

Rocket science?

Maybe it's rocket science? That's pretty bloody hard, right? Not many people can do that. Like, sending people to the moon, or building a craft that lasts nearly 50 years and has travelled over 15 billion miles. That's pretty bloody impressive.

But is it the hardest of things? Is it the hardest thing in the world?

I'm not sure.

Solving global warming?

Oof, now this is a difficult one. Let's be honest, we're fucking up the planet and fixing it is no walk in the park.

...and that's only going to become a more difficult problem to solve if a certain orange man with very small hands gets into the Oval Office next week.

But still, is solving global warming the hardest things in the world? Nah, I don't think so.

Proving the earth is a sphere?

If you speak to flat earthers, proving the earth is a sphere is impossible. So yeah, this could well be the hardest thing in the world, folks.

Buuuuut no, there's lots of empirical evidence that the earth is, in fact, a sphere. So no, proving the earth is a sphere is most definitely not the hardest thing in the world.

Mike Tyson?

Ok, we may have a winner here, folks. Mike Tyson is a double-hard bastard.

This guy won 26 of his first 28 fights by knock out. 16 of those were in the first round!

Mike Tyson is hard as nails, there's no doubting that. But the hardest thing in the world? I still don't think so.

So what is the hardest thing in the world?

Well, dear reader. After lots of contemplation, reflection, and research, I'm happy to share that I've discovered what the hardest thing in the world is.

Are you ready?

The hardest thing in the world is getting out of bed for a piss when you only just warmed your feet up.

That, my friends. THAT, is the hardest thing in the world.

Fin. 💩

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drjan
30 days ago
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London, United Kingdom
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Thoughts and Prayers and NRA Funding

jwz
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Since the New York Times seems to specialize in bemused puff-piece profiles of nazis these days, it always surprises me when it gets its head out of its butt and does actual data-driven reporting, like this incredibly long calendar-based infographic full of un-checked checkboxes:

What Congress Has Accomplished Since the Sandy Hook Massacre:

More than five years have passed since the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, where 20 children and six adults were killed. In that time, dozens of gun control proposals have been introduced in Congress attempting to fix glaring issues with gun safety and regulation. More than 1,600 mass shootings have taken place in America since then.

Here is a guide to what Congress has -- or, more accurately, has not -- accomplished during this time.

Or this, from a few months ago:

Thoughts and Prayers and NRA Funding:

Most Americans support stronger gun laws -- laws that would reduce deaths. But Republicans in Congress stand in the way. [...] Below are the top 10 career recipients of N.R.A. funding -- through donations or spending to benefit the candidate -- among both current House and Senate members, along with their statements about the Las Vegas massacre. These representatives have a lot to say about it. All the while, they refuse to do anything to avoid the next massacre.

  1. John McCain, Ariz. -- "Cindy & I are praying for the victims of the terrible #LasVegasShooting & their families." $7,740,521

  2. Richard Burr, N.C. -- "My heart is with the people of Las Vegas and their first responders today. This morning's tragic violence has absolutely no place here in America." $6,986,620

  3. Roy Blunt, Mo. -- "Saddened by the tragic loss of life in #LasVegas. My thoughts are with all of the families affected by this horrific attack." $4,551,146

  4. Thom Tillis, N.C. -- "Susan and I send our deepest condolences and prayers to the families of the victims of this horrific and senseless tragedy in Las Vegas." $4,418,012

  5. Cory Gardner, Co. -- "My family and I are praying for the families of those injured and killed in Las Vegas last night." $3,879,064

  6. Marco Rubio, Fla. -- "I'm praying for all the victims, their families, and our first responders in the #LasVegas #MandalayBay shooting." $3,303,355

  7. Joni Ernst, Iowa -- "My prayers are with all of the victims in Las Vegas, and their loved ones affected by this senseless act of violence." $3,124,273

  8. Rob Portman, Ohio -- "Jane & I mourn the loss of innocent lives in this horrific attack in Las Vegas last night. We are praying for those taken from us, their families & all those injured in this attack." $3,061,941

  9. Todd Young, Ind. -- "We must offer our full support to the victims and their families as our nation mourns." $2,896,732

  10. Bill Cassidy, La. -- "Following closely the horrendous act of violence in Las Vegas. Our prayers are with those who were injured, killed and their families." $2,861,047

Previously, previously, previously.

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drjan
2477 days ago
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Refresh Types

3 Comments and 21 Shares
The hardest refresh requires both a Mac keyboard and a Windows keyboard as a security measure, like how missile launch systems require two keys to be turned at once.
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drjan
2696 days ago
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London, United Kingdom
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3 public comments
tdarby
2719 days ago
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lo
Baltimore, MD
Covarr
2719 days ago
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Hard Reset - PC reset button - causes SEGA to fight SOPA.
East Helena, MT
alt_text_bot
2719 days ago
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The hardest refresh requires both a Mac keyboard and a Windows keyboard as a security measure, like how missile launch systems require two keys to be turned at once.

Time Flies: Levitating Nixie Clock

jwz
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This is amazing:

Once set up correctly it will hover above the base for as long as it is powered, displaying the time and date on digits of glowing metal and glass. Needing no batteries, the nixie clock is powered from the base without wires and will operate without interruption for months or years. No charging is required, it just floats and works.

I think it's a little weird that they went with 5 tubes instead of 6, and are spending a whole tube on punctuation. But it still looks like magic.

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drjan
3043 days ago
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Seriously, Make a Better eCigarette

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This isn't rocket science. You're close, but you can't get it quite right. You, Juul: I heard you're doing something to fix the nicotine delivery. That's good, but your device looks like crap. It's not a cigarette. I'm not here to talk about the assholes who picked up vaping as a hobby and carry around ...
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drjan
3105 days ago
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Outsourcing makes sense if you think "software" is a fad

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[This piece gets kind of dark. You've been warned.]

At the recent DOES15 conference (which was a great conference) many of success stories included the admission that outsourcing had been a big mistake. In some cases outsourcing had nearly sunk the company. What saved them? DevOps, in-sourcing, and vertical integration.

If you aren't familiar with the term "vertical integration" it is the MBA term for "if you want something done right, do it yourself."

The reason outsourcing had been such a disaster was not the skill of the outsourcing companies or the people. It was the fact that if you don't own your process, you can't control the quality. Quality comes from taking responsibility and ownership to make sure it happens. Without quality, you lose customers and go out of business.

Imagine trying to drive a car with someone else controlling the steering wheel. Now imagine that their incentives are perversely the opposite of yours. They get paid by how many turns they make. You get paid by how fast you get there. It just doesn't work. They control the wheel.

Outsourcing makes sense if you think "software" is a fad that will go away or if your MBA skipped the chapter on "vertical integration". If software was a fad and would be going away soon, you could ignore it and use outsourcing to get through the year or two that you had to "do software" until the fad dissipated.

However software isn't a fad. It drives your business more and more. If you are an auto dealer you might think you are in the business of selling cars. You are wrong. You manage the process that brings customers to you, takes their order, gets the car from inventory, and delivers the car to them. All of that is driven by software. If you don't control that software, what the fuck are you doing?

Therefore when software was "new" companies should have recognized the new challenges and asked: How can we develop the new skills required to be better at software than our competition?

Ironically the sales pitch from outsourcing vendors included the warning that technology was becoming more and more important. It just walked people to the wrong conclusion. They scared CEOs by telling them how important technology is, how it is only going to become more important, and then walked them to the ludicrous conclusion that it was so important that you shouldn't try to do it yourself!

That's like saying breathing is so important you shouldn't learn how to do it: live on a respirator that someone else controls.

These success stories told at DOES15 conference (which, again, I repeat was a great conference) boasted how DevOps had enabled them to do vertical integration, which improved quality and velocity. Oh, and those are the things that improved profits way more than cutting budgets. It turns out that "cost savings" is bullshit compared to the huge profits that resulted from having better products and services than the competitor.

The speakers on stage were so excited and proud to say that their company had overcome the terrible, terrible, terrible results of outsourced IT. The audience was happy for them.

And now... I need to get this off my chest.

I, however, had mixed emotions. I wanted to be happy for them but the feeling I felt was more along the lines of vindication. I'm embarrassed to confess it wasn't a happy kind of vindication. In the 1990s outsourcing craze, we warned you people that all of this would happen. We were mocked and made to feel like outcasts. Outsourcing companies were telling CEOs to fire anyone that got in the way of their outsourcing plans because "you don't want to go bankrupt after not outsourcing because a couple nerds were afraid to do it". Lucent's signed their outsourcing contract in secret, without telling anyone in their IT groups, so that "troublemakers couldn't get in the way and stop it." The contract didn't include a lot of basics things like data backups, which then had to be done at the much more expensive "out of plan" hourly rate. There are plenty of other stories I could tell... I'll save them for future blog posts.

My point is: Every damn prediction we made came true:

  • Outsourcing will strangle your company by making you less flexible, slower, less able to compete.
  • Tech is too important to leave to outsiders and should be a competency we develop throughout the company.
  • Outsourcing will be much more expensive than you expected.
  • Any cost savings from efficiency will go to the provider, not you.

Every time I hear a company talk about outsourcing being a mistake and how glad they are they've gotten out from under the dark times I become a two-faced asshole. On the outside I smile and say "congrats". On the inside I'm thinking: Fuck you for not listening to the people that tried to warn you. Fuck YOU.

Want to see the real "revenge of the nerds"? It is the trail of bankrupted companies that ignored us when we told you that the future was coming.

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drjan
3318 days ago
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London, United Kingdom
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